“Yes. Thank you.”

I took the dress I’m wearing to Niko and Jess’ wedding to be altered recently, and as I came out of the dressing room the adorable 4’11” 80+ year old seamstress saw me in my dress and said in her amazing Portuguese accent, “Wow. You are big beautiful woman.” I smiled and said, “Yes. Thank you.” No hesitation. That was my response because I believed what she said to be true, and then went on with my day. Later that night while I was getting ready for bed and mentally going through the day, I thought about that moment and smiled because she had been so sweet, and instantly memories from my younger years came back to me. I remembered the way I used to crave attention and adoration from people because I hated myself and my body so much, that the only way I could believe it deserved loved is if other people told me so, and then IF they did give me some sort of praise (more times than not I was met with suggestions on how to change it for the better) I then pushed the compliments away, as if owning them was shameful. For example, if I was told I had nice hair my instant response would be “Oh no” followed by whatever I didn’t like about it and then thrown in at the end “but thank you.” WHY? When I look back now I see someone so lost in her own self doubt and self hatred that she couldn’t see just how magical, gorgeous, and wonderfully flawed she was. My journey to loving myself felt so long, and even though I occasionally might have a moment that I stumble backwards I Always move forward again. I have felt so beautifully at home in my skin for so long now that sometimes I forget the work it took to get here, but holy shit am I grateful that I decided I deserved to treat myself with love, it changed my life, and now when I receive a compliment, especially one about my physical appearance it’s so easy to say “Yes, thank you for seeing what I already see.” It might not feel like much, but to me it has been one of the biggest victories of my life.