Buy The Dress

Content Warning: Body Image

This is a maternity dress. I don’t say that as some pregnancy announcement and I definitely don’t say that so you can respond “Oh my god, I would have never known.” It’s not about sneakily getting something over on people by passing off a maternity dress for a non-maternity sized dress. It’s about the truth I learned on my journey to self acceptance and dare I say it, self love, you know, the kind we so freely and generously give to other people. I was taught from a young age to hate my body, always bigger than those around me, society told me I should be ashamed of my size and in the rare occasion when I didn’t think that, I was surrounded by beautiful women that I loved deeply, who hated their bodies. I remember spending my entire childhood and teen years thinking, “If she thinks that about her body, what does she think of mine?” Or even worse, “If she hates her body and looks like that, but I am so much bigger, then I should definitely hate mine.” It took me years to get to a better place with all of this and there are definitely days in which I still struggle, and I think it’s important to highlight those moments too so we know we’re not alone on this journey. Healing is very rarely a singular destination, it’s moments, it’s a step forward, a step back, but then moving forward again. Most days I feel so comfortable in this skin I once hated, but then I found myself running towards a dress I saw hanging on a rack because it was love at first sight, only to get closer and realize it’s maternity. Oh. Wait. The worst thought that ran through my head wasn’t “What if it doesn’t fit right?” It was, “What if it does? What would that mean for this beautiful body of mine, that didn’t have the excuse of growing life, to be this size?” It shook me for a moment, I stood there wondering if I should put it back on the rack and walk away, this dress that I felt my insides lighting up looking at. Is that dramatic? Yes. But as someone who spent (and still spends) so much time struggling to find items that I love AND fit right, when there’s a possibility for those two to collide, it’s a special moment. I stood there for longer than I’d like to admit until I inevitably thought “Fuck it. It’s beautiful.” And bought the damn dress.

I’m sure you’re wondering what’s my point here. The journey’s we go on with our bodies are incredibly difficult, even for the people who feel leaps and bounds further ahead from where they first started. Some days you want to walk around naked because people should be so lucky as to look at your gorgeous form, and other days you want to stay under the covers because you feel so uncomfortable existing as you are. And then there is the in between, that gray area where not every day feels like a strut down the runway, but also most days do. It’s ok to feel however you feel on any given day, especially when it comes to how we view our bodies, but my hope for you is in the moments when it’s hard to show yourself some love because of some pre-conceived idea that however you exist is somehow wrong, that you remember we have all been there and we are cheering you on to come out of it on the other side because we see you, and we see the stunningly beautiful and divine human being you are.

As for me, I’ll be wearing this gorgeous maternity dress with pride because I swear it feels like it was made for me.