Today, I Am Sad.

Today I am sad. More sad than I can seem to find the words for. If life had worked out differently, I and the amazing women I am lucky to call my friends would all be back to work today after a much needed holiday break. We would have spent the morning complaining about how tired we were while drinking the best coffee any of us ever had and eating warm chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven. We would have baked the items everyone loved while talking about how our holidays went and laughing along the way. And yes, we would have dealt with customers, some we loved dearly and some who always knew how to drive us crazy. If life had worked out differently, today we would have been together.

I have been strong, and I have focused on the positive. I have helped make lists of silver linings and dream up new paths for our future lives. I have kept the tears at bay and focused on the laughs and of course, the love each and every one of us felt for each other..but today I am sad. Today I am letting it wash over me, instead of only allowing it to come in waves like I have in the past. It hurts, more than I thought it would. However, I’m learning you can’t say goodbye to something that meant the world to you without feeling a little heartache..and that’s ok.

Today my heart is aching, and I miss those beautiful women more than they know, but tomorrow will be easier, and if it isn’t, the next day might be. Someday, hopefully soon, I will look back on all of our hilarious memories and laugh instead of cry.

My point in sharing all of this with you is, I know I am not the only one. I am not the only person who woke up today wishing the day would be different. I am not the only one who has been holding back feelings of sadness for fear of letting it take over. So if you felt at any point today or yesterday or maybe it won’t happen till tomorrow, the way I do now, know that you are not alone. Please know that even when it doesn’t seem so, there will come a day when you don’t feel so sad anymore and when that day happens, I hope we can enjoy it together.