Letter To My Younger Self

There’s so much I wish I could say to fifteen year old Christine over a cup of coffee, but I would hate to ruin some of the beautiful surprises life has thrown my way.

However, if given the opportunity, here’s what I would say:

Your parents are human, and they don’t always know how to handle a fifteen year old, emotional teenager, who seems to always believes she is right (not much has changed in that aspect, except for the teenager part) which means that you should probably be a little easier on them. They work harder than you realize to give you the life they wished for when they were younger, and you will never find anyone who will help you accomplish your dreams more than them. Your dad is tough, because he doesn’t want the world to ever take advantage of your kind heart, and your mom is soft, to remind you that even when the world is a dark place there will always be those who provide the light. You will need them both to become the woman they always hoped you would be, and when you’re thirty and you like to think of yourself as grown, you will still get emotional every time you think about how much you love them.

Your brother will always be the greatest thing to ever happen to you, that isn’t going to change. Don’t get me wrong, he’s going to drive you crazy, and there will be a few years where he will start to date and you’ll constantly worry that he’s going to move on with his life and not take you with him, but your bond is stronger than that. He will listen to you cry at 2am about the guy who broke your heart, and then make you laugh in a way only he can. He will let you ramble on and on and on about why you loved that book or movie or song because for some reason he wants to hear all the thoughts that run through your head, and you will wake up every morning ready to tell him all of it. You will want to protect him from the world, take care of him and always make sure that he is safe, but he will repeatedly surprise you with how fully capable he is. You will find yourself watching him in awe, wondering how he went from the little boy with red pudgy cheeks singing and dancing to Michael Jackson, to the amazing man with great hair singing and dancing to Michael Jackson in the blink of an eye. You will need him more than you realize, and there will never be a way to repay him for constantly being there, except to remind him with every chance you get that you love him and wouldn’t be the same without him.

The friends you make, and the memories you create together will be some of the brightest areas of your life. They will love all of the ways your heart fits perfectly within theirs and you will want to bring them back up every time life knocks them down. In return, they will constantly reassure you in all the ways you feel you fall short and it will teach you that even the most delicate of hearts can become strong with the right kind of love in their lives, especially when that love comes from your friends. Unfortunately, life is going to bring friends into your life that will eventually leave, and these heartaches will hurt worse than you can imagine. You will question what you did wrong, and how it was that a friend who swore they would never leave your side could find it so easy to walk away. That’s ok, you need to let them. We’re constantly learning from the people who walk into our lives, and sometimes the greatest lesson they can teach us is the one we learn when they leave. Cry if you need to, but find the lesson in it all, because I can promise you there is one, even if it’s simply learning to love the friends who stay, a little deeper.

Make sure to make the time to travel. I know you want to, and never stop believing that you will. You will see parts of this world that you have only dreamed of, and if you promise to never lose sight of your wanderlust spirit I can guarantee that you will swim in the Adriatic Sea, eat BBQ in Nashville, experience a snowstorm at the Grand Canyon, watch the lights twinkle on the Eiffel Tower, snorkel in the Caribbean (yea you’re going to freak out during this one, it’s ok, I promise you survive), eat Tacos in Texas, climb to the top of the Empire State Building, and so much more. One experience being more magical than the last, and you’re going to do it all, and every single time you’ll wonder how you will pull it off but somehow it will always work out.

Which brings me to my next point.

Stop. Worrying. You spend so much of your time worrying that things won’t work out when they almost always do, and in the cases when they didn’t, you usually end up being grateful. Your life is too short to spend it stressed out over the details of it all, and although you will realize all of this one day, I hope it happens sooner for you than it did for me. I know it will be hard for the little control freak that lives within you that you only let your friends see, but you will live a happier life once you learn to let go a little.

Now let’s talk about falling in love. I know that’s what you really came here for, because if there is one thing fifteen year old Christine was, it’s completely in love with the idea of being in love. You hoped by the age I am now that you would have met the person you were going to spend the rest of your life with, someone you were absolutely and completely in love with, who you would travel the world and build a beautiful life with.

Well, without ruining any of the beautiful surprises life will throw your way when it comes to the matters of your heart, I can tell you that your heart will feel it all. You will learn all the different ways you can love another person, and unfortunately there will be times it will only end in heartbreak. The heartbreak will sometimes feel like more than you can handle, but in the end you will constantly be surprised by how much you are capable of loving another soul, including your own. I will tell you that you reached your goal of falling in the kind of love you always dreamed of, but not in the way you had hoped. You’ve fallen completely and absolutely in love with yourself, a journey that will never be easy, but in the end will be completely worth it. So when you start to believe that you may actually be worth loving, follow that feeling with everything you have, because I can guarantee that will be the moment that changes your life for the better in every way.

I love you.