January Sucked

“Would you hear me out If I told you I was terrified for days? Thought I was gonna break Oh, I couldn't stop it Tried to slow it all down Crying in the bathroom Had to figure it out With everyone around me saying "You must be so happy now" . . January sucked. There’s no other way to put it. I had made the decision and executed my move to Austin in a three week time period, and once I arrived I hit the ground running. I started working forty hours a week with my best friend (truly the highlight of my every day), getting my home unpacked and settled in, and planning for the holidays. November and December were an absolute whirlwind of nonstop running around and fun. Then January hit. After the festive chaos of the holidays, everything changed, the magnitude of my move hit me, my hours at my job were cut in half (something I knew would happen after the holidays but still required getting used to), nowhere I had applied to work to make up those hours was getting back to me, and I was struggling financially in a way that left me staring at the ceiling most nights wondering how I would make it another month in this amazing city. My family here was wonderful, taking care of me, treating me to special dinners to lift my spirits and never once making me feel less than for how terrible my financial situation was at that time. But it was still hard. Every time I talked to someone they would say, “You must be so happy right now, the move and holidays are over and you just get to enjoy yourself and have fun now!” Something I would agree with and smile, wondering how I was going to come up with my rent payment for the next month. . I would have two sides of my brain arguing with each other, one side would say, “Why did you do this to yourself? You’re in the same financial situation you were months ago, just in a different location, how is this any better than before?” (And crueler things we all say to ourselves when we’re at our lowest). Then the other half of me would argue that deep down I knew this was the right place for me to be for this next chapter of my life. It would say that I had made the right decision in moving, and that things would become easier if only I held on and stood behind my belief in myself, knowing this was the place for me. I would eventually fall asleep and do it all again the next day, the tears, the self-doubt, and the eventual resignation that I had to believe in my own choices and trust that things would work out. . It wasn’t easy, truth is, it never is. However I will say, it’s March now, and it all worked out. I’m working more than I ever thought possible at two jobs that I love. I have family and friends in my life that kept me hopeful during that month that felt like it would never end. I look back at January and realize if I overcame that low, there’s nothing living in Austin could throw at me that I couldn’t overcome. . I know that a month of misery to some, feels like nothing. Sometimes it feels like nothing to me as well because in my past, I’ve had months or years of misery. However the reason I’m sharing this is because so many of us work hard to make a dream become a reality, only to have more hurdles thrust in our face when we expected it to be smooth sailing. It’s difficult and leaves you down on your knees wondering when things will ever get better. . I’m here to tell you it will. I don’t know when, I don’t exactly know how, but it all always works itself out. I know for a fact the job I got was the one I was meant to have, and I know that it all worked out in the absolute best way for me, and it will for you as well. Whatever it is you’re struggling with, no matter how hard it feels to get up in the morning, you will make it through this. You are stronger than you ever imagined, and one day soon you will see how it all worked out for the better. I promise.