I Move Forward

I move forward, it’s what I do. When I was given the option of “buy the business” or be out of a job, I went and bought the damn business! And I gave it all I had. When I realized that it wasn’t working, that I was the most emotionally and physically unhealthy I had ever been, I closed up shop, and decided to make the most of my time off. When funds started to run thin and I knew I wanted to make a move with my life, I got back to work and have found myself working hard to make that goal happen ever since. I move forward. . So imagine my surprise when I walked into the Broadway play Waitress, a story about a baker who seems to find the answers to life’s difficult questions in the kitchen, and found myself crying from the moment I walked into the building, till long after I walked out. . It hit me like a punch in the gut how completely and absolutely sad I still am about having to close those doors. I know closing the bakery was the best choice for me, there’s even a line in the play where she sings, “It’s not simple to say that most days I don’t recognize me, That these shoes and this apron, That place and its patrons, Have taken more than I gave them.” Towards the end I had nothing left to give and walking away was the right choice, and I have focused on that so deeply, that I forget how sad I am. . In the midst of moving forward I had spent my energy looking towards the future and being positive about my decisions, that I wasn’t letting myself take the time to heal. . So here I am, the night before I will start the holiday baking for my family and I find myself sad that I won’t be in my old kitchen at my shop with my best friend booty shaking by my side. I am sad that I won’t have customers saying they drove hours for my cinnamon rolls to have on the holiday morning with their family, or spend my morning after the rush drinking coffee and listening to my girls tell me about their family plans before the next rush comes in. I’m still sad, all these months later, and I’m realizing that’s ok. Sometimes you just need more time than you thought. . I hope if you’re struggling with emotions you thought you would be over with by now, that you will take the time to let yourself feel them. Cry if you need to, scream if you need to, do a mixture of both, trust me I’ve been there, just make sure to let yourself feel it. Being strong and moving forward is necessary in life, but so is being vulnerable and allowing yourself to feel the not so fun parts..and if it gets to be too much, reach out to me, and we can work through it together.