A Letter To The Person I Thought I Would Be By Now...

Hey you, yeah you! Remember all of those things you were going to do?! You used to walk around with your chest puffed up declaring to your friends all of the amazing things you were going to do, while they were busy looking for boys to marry. You knew you were different; while they were at bar after bar you were going to be walking the Great Wall of China, meditating in India, surfing in Australia. The Lord of the Rings Tour was one of your stops, you and Big Ben were going to become best friends, and you were going to roll down a hill in Ireland. There was supposed to be a time when you traveled to Scotland and finally learned firsthand, what do guys wear under those kilts? Don’t even get me started on Italy, you are close to thirty and by now you were supposed to spend a minimum of three months of your life traveling throughout the country you love the most, that you’ve never actually been to. Are you fluent in Spanish, French, and Italian yet? How about your own place? Remember how while your friends were going to be buying homes you were going to be living in small cities throughout the world, falling in love with each place you went? Did you ever get that bartending license you wanted, just because you thought it would be fun to learn? How about getting physically fit, that was something you wanted to do. Most importantly, you were the person who was supposed to find someone to love you and travel the world with. Someone who would understand that you didn’t want to marry young, instead you wanted to travel the world young and when you felt like you had your fill, then the two of your would find a small home somewhere on a mountainside surrounded by nature and raise the family you always wanted while finally opening up that bakery. 

Oh. Actually you got that one right, didn’t you? You have your own bakery. Ok, well done with that one. Let’s talk about this though, why didn’t you do all of these other things on your “list.” You wanted to leave, to travel the world, instead you stayed. I will give you some credit though, you stood under the Eiffel Tower and watched its twinkling lights. You got lost in the Louvre and spent Thanksgiving with a bunch of fun-loving Brits in the French Countryside. You climbed a waterfall in Jamaica, visited Mayan Ruins, and sang Karaoke with eight friends on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean somewhere. You swam with dolphins in Mexico, went rafting down a river with friends, and convinced your parents go to zip-lining. You repaired your relationship with your dad, and realized your mom was probably the greatest friend you could have ever asked for. You realized that your brother would always be your soul-mate and it was ok if he lived parts of his life without you. You made new friends, and you lost some old ones. You learned that people will always come and go, all you can do is love them while they have a place in your life. You learned that there will always be too many books you want to read and that watching a movie will always clear your mind. You went sky diving and in the process saw the world in the most magical way. You worked hard. You fell in love and had your heart completely destroyed, then woke up the next day, got out of bed and somehow managed to make it through the days where it felt like you couldn’t breathe (sometimes, I think I’m most proud of you for this). You lost loved ones and had your image of those still around completely destroyed, reminding yourself that just because you love your family – doesn’t mean they will be anything other than who they are, and you will need to find a way to love them anyway. You’ve seen more plays than you can count and have spent countless hours on the dance floor laughing with your brother. You realized that you are worth so much more than how you look. You learned that you are not your hair, or your weight, you are your beautiful soul, damaged and full of love for everyone in your life, including you. You taught yourself how to love every single part of you, especially the parts that might still need a little bit of work. 

You had a list of things to do, things that would make you feel like you actually accomplished something. Well here I am to tell you, that you did accomplish the greatest challenge you never considered. You figured out exactly who you were and fell in love with her. So maybe you haven’t been to Italy (yet), you haven’t learned to surf (yet), you didn’t take that trapeze class you’re interested in (yet), and it’s true, you haven’t found someone (yet) – but what you need to know, that I don’t think you realized when you made that list, is that you still have the rest of your life to accomplish these goals. You have an entire life ahead of you, and yes I know it goes by in the blink of an eye but hopefully thirty years from now, when you’re closing in on sixty we can sit down and have this chat again. Maybe there will still be some things you haven’t done yet, and maybe you would have added more to the list that you never thought you would do. What I do know, is that thirty years from now, the person you will become, is someone I absolutely can’t wait to meet, because if she still has the love in her heart for the people who mean the most to her, and a large passion for adventure, I know I will absolutely love her.